Darkside Cowboys Versus the Oldheim Ogres

"Welcome to Sunday night's Blood Bowl tournament, I'm Dick Brooking and I'm here with Bob Motson at the start of what should be an important match up between the Darkside Cowboys and the Oldheim Ogres, isn't that right, Bob?"

"Yes indeed Dick, this is the first Ogres game since the new manager B'Dum Tish took over. He's done a lot for the team, like rooting out the bad Snotlings and replacing them with four new and upcoming Goblin players."

"The Cowboys have been in good form this season so it may be a tough game for the Ogres, it's speed versus strength and this could be anyone's game."

"That's right Dick, well the teams are on the pitch and awaiting the kick off, so let's go straight to the action!"

"The Ogres lost the toss, some suspected Dark Elf magic when the coin flipped back on itself, but the ref made the call for Oldheim to kick off."

"It looks like the Goblin catcher Rusty Snotgobbler has made the kick, as clumsy as he is stupid, he's let the ball bounce around like a Halfling trapped in a barrel going over the Skavenblight Mountains waterfall!"

"Dick, I wouldn't like to be in that Dark Elf line up, not with those Ogres bearing down on me. There's hate in their eyes!"

"That's true Bob, but the elves have burst through the Ogre's attack! The slow witted oafs certainly didn't see that coming and it'll probably take them a few minutes to figure out what is happening as well!"

"The elves have underestimated the speed of an angry Ogre, D'Dum Tish has certainly drilled something into these lads, just look at the casualties in the dugout Dick!"

"That's going to cost the Cowboys dearly, the only player left from that initial rush is the Catcher Luxen Lion! Even he looks like he's about to be flattened by the Blitzer M'Gorth N'Throg!"

"Jim, the Elves have actually learned from their mistake, there's six of them ganging up on the Blitzer, The Brick! It's hard to see in the melee, but it looks like there's the two Catchers, Asperon Thorn and Autavic Hellebronn, three linemen, Rancour Ovarinn, Malachi Pique and Elijah Doom, they seem to be egged on by team captain and Blitzer Hubris Rakarth!"

"Well Dick it's worked, The Brick is off the pitch and stunned! Looks like the elves have a new tactic!"

"And for once it doesn't involve dirty magic and turning your opposing team into giant slugs!"

"Yes, who can forget that fateful Blood Bowl XXIV play off against the Crimson Ghosts? Where are they now Dick?"

"How can you forget Jim? The elves brought three tons of salt with them, for 'half time' they said.  The only thing that remained of the Ghosts was their armour and some shrivelled and yellowed slug shapes!"

"Anyway, back to the action Dick, Asperon Thorn is taking a real pounding from thr Blitzer M'Grog K'Thunk, that's gotta hurt!"

"It really must, a punch from an Ogre Blitzer is like being hit by a Dwarf mineral pounder!"

"The Cowboys are using their dirty ganging up tactics on the new Blocker 'Smasher' L'Blo, he looks confused by it all, but maybe that's just his normal look!"

"Bam! That's ANOTHER Ogre down, Jim! This is unprecedented! The elves don't usually play a fighting game, but they are full of surprises today!"

"That may be true Dick, but the rest of the Odlheimers are angry and confused and that combination is not something I'd even want my mother-in-law to face!"

"In all the head pounding it looks like at least someone remembered there is a ball involved in this game! Kicker Venom of Praetta is making a dash for the Ogres endzone!"

"He's making the most of the crumbling Ogre line, with three players off the pitch recovering!"

"Those lumbering idiots won't stop Venom now, he's well and truly into his stride!"

"Correct Jim, it's going to take a miracle to stop that dash!"

"And that's a touchdown! One nil to the Cowboys! The crowd are going wild! Either someone is setting off fireworks in the Dark Elves end or a wizard's spell has gone horribly wrong!"

"Great moves by the Cowboys there Dick, ganging up against individual Ogres certainly paid off. While the teams reorganise themselves, we'll be back after these important messages from the Bugman's Brewery!"

"That Bugman's Lite sure is a fine tipple Dick, especially on a hot summer's day!"

"It certainly is Jim, welcome back to the Oldheim Ogres versus the Darkside Cowboys, the Cowboys have already laid one on the endzone so the Ogres will be looking for revenge!"

"They may not get it Jim, that's a mighty strange starting formation the Cowboys have adopted, maybe it's strength in numbers?"

"I think that's the only way they can win this game Dick, but what's happening here? It looks like the Ogre Blitzer K'Mall M'Kall is about to throw the Goblin Catcher Scruffy Dump-Trousers down the pitch!"

"Woah! That's a good toss, almost half way to the Cowboy's endzone! It looks like Scruffy is in the clear as the Elves seem to be preoccupied with trying to bring down the other Ogres!"

"There's a gap in the elf defence as big as the Middenheim Mountain pass and Dump-Trousers is exploiting it!"

"That elf formation has quickly broken up allowing Dump-Trousers to slam that ball right in the zone! B'Dum Tish must be feeling pretty pleased with himself for paying all that looted treasure for the little fellow!"

"That's one all for the Ogres! This is anyone's game! I suggest you have a nice drink of Bugman's Old Glory while we wait for the teams to reorganise!"

"Jim, we all know the elves are sore losers, so as the time ticks down we may see some pretty desperate play from the Cowboys as they try to get back on top!"

"It's the Ogres to kick off and already the violence is turning ugly on the pitch!"

"The new elf tactic of ganging up seems to be working, but will it be enough to save them the game?"

"Oof! That's gotta hurt, The Brick is on his back, but at least help is at hand!"

"The table have turned on the elves Dick, those Ogres look mighty angry, no one knocks over an Ogre and gets away with it!"

"The Ogres are taking no prisoners here and the pitch is quickly being cleared of elves!"

"That's right Jim, an attritional battle with Ogres is not a good tactic! The elves should be using their speed here!"

"They are getting too bogged down fighting the Ogres, this is carnage!"

"There's a lot of broken elves out there Dick, but it's too late for the Ogres to pull this one back. They seem to have forgotten that they are playing Blood Bowl and are more intent on snapping elves in half!"

"Well, in all honesty, who wouldn't want to, Jim?"

"Oh my, two elves are making a break for the Ogres endzone! Could this be the final score, Dick?!"

"Not if the Ogres can help it, they are piling over to the elves! This could get messy!"

"Desperate times call for desperate measures and Autavic Hellebronn has hoofed the ball at the Ogres endzone, probably to avoid a messy tackle from the reserve box!"

"Jim, that's a dangerous tactic, especially as the Goblin Bogey Slime has just entered the pitch and snatched the ball up in his grubby little fingers!"

"This really is exciting Dick, it could see the Ogres winning here!"

"Not this time Jim, there's the final whistle, it's all over bar the burning the stadium down and rioting back in Oldheim!"

"A one all draw is the final result, not a great day for both of these teams, but I'm sure there will be a grudge rematch at some point, Jim!"

"Maybe Dick, Dark Elves have very long memories, but the Ogres are famed for forgetting that they have a game to play and not even turning up. We may not see a similar line up for a long time!"

"Well, this is Dick Brooking and Jim Motson saying goodnight and thanks for watching another thrilling Blood Bowl match with plenty of on pitch violence and a couple of touchdowns!"



  1. Very good and the humour is appreciated. Have you seen the Aussie Animal team that is up on Kickstarter right now. I want it, but jeez it's expensive.

    1. Thanks Anne, no I haven't seen the Animal team, I'll search them out. I am more interested in using 2nd Ed teams at the moment though. I'm currently tracking down a human and an elf team...


Post a Comment